I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize