Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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