Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
