She said her name was "party"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
