we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
