I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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