how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
