dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
