i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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