the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
