I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize