i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
