in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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