***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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