just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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