sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
