We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
