I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
