what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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