did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
