i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
