five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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