p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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