I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
