I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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