All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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