was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize