I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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