chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ruined the universe
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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