they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
