my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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