o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
