Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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