It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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