I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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