well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
