HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
