i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
