so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
