Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
birth control should be required to get into college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
