He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
