My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
