I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My cat gives me a boner
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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