Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
