why didn't you poke me back
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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