he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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