I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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