WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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