Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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