I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
