So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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