This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize