your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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