So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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