He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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