Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
