Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im calling her cock vulture from now on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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