I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
