remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
