All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
