if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
