Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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