..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize