she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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