My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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