so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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