I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
