Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
