Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
