hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
